I can live without anything or anyone, but I cannot live without God!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Worst Gift

The smile still haunts me.

It's been twenty years, but the feelings are just as raw as they were at that moment.
What did I do? Oh the cry is heart wrenching! Sweet baby, I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you so much, I would never hurt you. But here you are in my arms, screaming, red from head to toe, and I have no idea how to stop it. I'm scared. Do you hate me now? Oh Lord stop the pain!

All I did was give her a bath. Simple little motherly act. Should have been a moment of loving fun.

The smile on that bottle still haunts me.

In my head I know it wasn't my fault. In my head, I blame the manufacturer for using some stupid chemical that my baby had a bad reaction to. But in my heart, still after all these years, I blame myself.

The bottle was a gift. Cute smiling head on the top of a bottle of baby wash. It mocks me, that smile.

Yes, it was the worst gift I ever received.

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