I can live without anything or anyone, but I cannot live without God!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


I find myself in the word at the gospel of Luke. Every year we go back to the gospel of Luke in rememberence of the birth of Christ. Although this isn't the reason I went there, but many of you will be reading or hearing parts of it in the next few weeks. If you want some really profound sermons on probably the most important truth of life, I recommend Mark Driscoll's series "Investigating the Man Who is God".

Christmas is always a time we think about Jesus. But only three months before His birth, another was born. One who Jesus called the greatest man born. What is a great man?  Watch, listen, and learn. 

John the Baptizer

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thankful even though...

Joining in with the millions of people who start their "I'm so thankful for" lists just because the calendar says so, I write these words.

I am grateful for my job, even though I feel I could be doing so much more.
I am grateful for my health, even though I am not as spry as I use to be.
I am grateful for my house, even though it has major issues.
I am grateful for my computer, even though it is old and slow.
I am grateful for my food, even though it is far from being the best of choices.
I am grateful for hot water, even though the bill is sky high.
I am grateful for friends, even though I rarely see them.
I am grateful for my family, even though we are remote and distant from each other.
I am grateful for my country, even though it isn't perfect.

But most of all I am thankful for my God, even though I can't see Him.
Yet I know it is He who has given me all that I need.
I am thankful for His grace, past, present and future.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

KALEO CHURCH: Huddle or Mission?

KALEO CHURCH: Huddle or Mission?: Anyone who has walked with Jesus for any length of time in the western world knows the temptation to get trapped in the Christian bubble–t...

Monday, October 29, 2012

Rediscovering Love

Some things just hurt. Deep painful wounds that seems at the moment of infliction will never heal. The moment splits the persons involved forever.
Or so it seems.
Years go by.
Wasted years where there could have been a loving relationship, but the painful memory just sets itself up in the form of a brick wall. Separation results.

Personally, I have had almost three decades of such a relationship with one who knew me from the beginning of my days on earth. Better than half of our lives have been ruled by the "unforgivable".

Yet one day, arranged by divine circumstances, we took a walk. We talked. We showed our own weaknesses and sorrows about the wound. We hugged. We forgave.

It has been a year since that walk. Hours separate us geographically, so face to face with each other is rare. But we made it happen recently. There is a love that has been rediscovered.

How many people let something that they believe is unforgivable to stop love cold?  I believe it really isn't the wound or the pain that stops love. It is more the hurt pride that says, "How could you have done this to ME?" Then the wall that stops communications go up.

Truth is that if you look deep into yourself, you see that there is just as much you are capable to "doing" to cause wounds. Each of us can and will until we lose our prideful attitude. Once that tumbles, humility can pick up the pieces and rebuild, restore, rediscovere love.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Hanging On a Wall


Just what is it that makes a painting or drawing get chosen to hang in a famous gallery?

Controversial statement?
Classic tale put in visual?
Heart wrenching subject?

Tonight I view only a tiny portion of one art museums collection of drawings. Unfortunately not in person. Just through the less than flattering medium of the Internet.

The variety is amazing. And it made me ask the question deep within my soul, "Do I have any talent?" I tend to look at the classics and say "Never could I do such a marvelous work!"  Then I look at what appears to be merely childish scribbles and say, "Really? This is in a museum?"

So what does it take? Courage? Lessons? Money? All of these are lacking from my experiences. Yet ever time I look upon some one's work, my spirit yells in a silent whisper, "You can do this."

Monday, October 22, 2012


Yes, it's about birds again.
It seems the quiet spot is always clamours with their songs.

I spend time talking with my best Friend and then I listen. I hear the birds. I watched them as the darted back and forth. Three red cardinals seemed to be fighting for the right to a certain branch. An unidentified song new to this spot came loud and clear.
What she was saying, I could not understand.
But they all sang because of the beauty of the morning and I joined in their rejoice.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

(Official Movie) THRIVE: What On Earth Will It Take?

Tyranny or liberty?
Watch in full.
The truth of what you don't know just may be what makes you free.

Thursday, October 4, 2012


"Our differences don't need to separate us from each other, creating barriers to communication. What is native to each one of us will be forever, and we should honor and respect it. I will always see things my way because of who and what I am, you will see them your way. As long as we accept and respect each other for our divergent beliefs and ways of living, then we have a way to communicate."
Patricia St. John~The Secret Language of Dolphins

Monday, October 1, 2012


When you saw the word mask, was your first interpretation protection, covering up, persona, or performance?

My first thought when asked this question was: Dr. Killdar and Ben Casey, both TV doctors of the sixties. So covering up fits, but not exactly. And protection fits, but again, not exactly.

Why do I think of doctors masks. Is there more buried in my subconscious that brings them to mind? Seriously doubt that to be the case. I had my share of emergency room visits as a child. Stitches. Stomach pumped. More stitches. No over-nighters or surgeries.

In the end, it just shows how much TV effected me. Pretty much was addicted to it.

Interesting thought though. If these TV doctors were such heros to my generation, could they have set a mindset for the way we view health care today. We seem to think that doctors and pills can cure anything. When in reality they are trained not to cure but to maintain  or manage illnesses. Oh but that is my soap box and is way off the path of the original question. Just wondering.....

Saturday, September 29, 2012


It wasn't very quiet in the quiet place this morning. Surprising for a Saturday morning. Seemed like there was even more noise than weekday, rushing to get to work noise.
I heard His whisper, "Listen to the birds."
So I concentrated on that. Above the motorcycle roar. 
Below the jet that took off from the airport.
Through the dog barking and the kids screaming. They just kept singing.
Marvelous notes of joy.
Their joy. My joy to hear.
So what is the point. Well two actually.

He took me to Psalm 50:11 "I know all the birds of the mountains." He knows each of them..He knows me and all that is happening around me....He never stops for one second. Always with me. Never forsaking me.
And so, I need to keep listening, through all the junk that life throws at me, to the joyous songs that are being sung, may they be ever so faint, they are still there.
Just listen.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Mercy Me - Crazy Enough (with lyrics)

The Ones That Touched My Heart


There are a select few that have left scars on my heart.
The heart is a tender thing. Doesn't take much to hurt it.

How does a five year old understand that when her best friend's family moves away, it isn't her that is being rejected? Oh, Mary C., wherever you are, I still treasure that friendship.

Then there was Shelley. Grade school buds. We looked so cool in our white go-go boots!  Still remember the time I talked back to the teacher in 5th grade in your defense. Love will do foolish things sometimes. Then you too moved away. At least I knew where you went, even if Portland was a world away and I would never see you again.

Gail...we shared the heartache of finding out that the boys we thought liked us actually liked each other! Then the school district boundaries and high school pressures kept us apart. Okay, I admit, it was my own infatuation with some guy. Forgive me. You were a better friend then any guy could have been back then.

Lisa. My goodness, how I was put off by you the first time I met you.  First impressions aren't always right! Weekly lunch dates. Couples bibles studies. Sunday morning worship times. Seemed like it would never end. Yet, it did. Most tears I had ever shed up until recently were for you. Most people thought it was my mom's passing, but truth be known, it was not having time with you anymore.


The list is short. That's the way I am. Not sure why. Friendship isn't easy for me. Personality disorder? Maybe. My passion is real-maybe scary to them. So they leave. Or I push them out. Never the less, I still love each of them.

In all fairness there is one who I've left out. She is special. She is still part of my life, even if it is spatially. Thank you for genuineness and loyalty after all these years.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

One of Life's Unanswered Questions

Something caught my eye. Almost looked like a soft gray caterpillar. Curious, I leave my bench and go investigate. Not happy with what I find. Turns out to be a feather among other feathers. It wasn't identifiable right away, at least not until I found the small black, almost round one. This was the remains of a mourning dove. What happened to it, I will never know. But as I look around the quiet place, I realize that the feathers are wide spread. Maybe the wind just blew them around. I find no hint of any other remains, just feathers.

This discovery was made a few days ago. By now the feathers have, for the most part, blown away. But one thing remains behind. One very lonely mourning dove high on a telephone wire. She has been there every day that I've gone. There have been other birds. They love the quiet place as much as I do. However today, it's cold, and a bit rainy. She is the only bird I see. All alone in the same place. Waiting for one who will never return.

It forced me to come back a do a search on these little creatures. Do they mate for life? Will she stay there until she falls off from weakness due to lack of food? I'm so caught up in her plight that I couldn't give my quiet time its full attention. But maybe she is part of my quiet time. I have a thought (or a whisper from God?), "Don't wait around until you die".

As it turns out, mourning doves are quite loyal to their mates, but if forced to, they will not stay alone. This makes me feel better for the one high on the wire. Yet it is no guarantee. When I go back, she may not be there, and I will never know her plight. Did she fall off and die, or did she give up and move on?

Monday, September 3, 2012

Where Have All the People Gone? (Reposted)

Granted, I am at an age when grandparents and even parents are not gracing this earth anymore. Still they are each one missed greatly. Memories flash through my mind, especially on holidays. Fifty plus years of memories. Lots of people.

But I don't think it should be like this.....maybe I'm totally wrong, in more ways than one.

Where is family? Work family is gone. Church family is non existent. And family family....not here.

Even the ones I live with aren't "here".

Someone who I hold most dear to my heart listed her interest as " Getting to spend time with the people that mean most in my life." Guess that doesn't include me. 

Sorry I'm not exciting, or fun, or eloquent. But I am sincerely passionate about caring and loving them all.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

What Does Love Have to Do With It?

Familiar words:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant  or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.   Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. . (ESV)

How many weddings have you gone to and heard these words given as some guide to make your marriage work? "Just be all of this and everything will work out" Wrong!

There is no earthly way of doing any one of them in our own flesh and selfishness.  

Consider the first verses of  chapter 13 in I Corinthians:

 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Now in the above exchange the word love for God or better yet, Jesus.

So here is my point. Love referred to in this chapter is not human love. It is the supernatural love of Jesus as He hung on the cross.  Agape love!

In the original language the English word translation was charity. Charity was substituted 28 times in the new testament. It has little to do with giving money away. It has everything to do with why Christ stayed on His cross.

Seriously great sermon on these verses:
John Piper-Dying as a means of loving-part-2

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Just somebody that I used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Lyrics from song by Gotye 

Sad but so true.

Monday, August 20, 2012


This morning in the quiet place, the grass was wet, glistening with last night's rain and morning dew. Even after an hour and one half of being there in the sun, it still was glowing with dampness. No hot morning sun to dry things up. Such a contradiction to how it looked just a few weeks ago! Dry and brown and hard earth beneath it. The birds had even stopped coming for their morning catch. That was very sad, but they are back now, singing their little hearts out. Gods choir.

But it is the dew that brought me to this page today. It prompted me to the back of my little leather bound book where I looked up all the references for shine. Although my little book certainly didn't have as many references as a big concordance, it had more than I expected. Psalm 80 it is repeatedly asking for God's face to shine upon us, that we might be saved. But really isn't is that when He does save us then we shine, reflecting His glory back to the world. It wasn't the dew that made the grass shine. It was the reflective property of the water that shone the light of the sun. So what properties in us can make us reflect Him? Daniel 12:3 says "Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever." It is only by gaining the wisdom of who we are, and who He is, then giving Him complete authority in our lives, that we become shining image bearers for the One and only God of all.

Side note: Yesterday, Pastor Danny challenged the congregation to "have coffee with Jesus". aka time alone in a quiet place  Just you and your bible. Then listen for His voice. But part of the challenge included a systematic plan for bible reading. I've never been good at keeping a plan like that before, but I'm planning on using the little concordance each day to take me to places I've either never been, rarely been, or have been "too" often. And as always, I thank Him for my quiet place where we meet every morning!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

A Life worth celebrating

Ninety years ago a baby was born. She had older brothers and would have younger sisters and more brothers. Born in a time of poverty with all those siblings caused hard decisions to be made. A stay at an orphanage. Heartache for parents who couldn't feed her and her little sister. What goes through a little girl's mind though such circumstances?  How does that effect the woman she grows to be.

Her fate was good. Great people took her in. And another couple took her sister. Yet there was always that lingering fear. She was my mom. She passed the fears on to me, ever so unintentionally. And I guess I passed them on to at least one of my own. How to break that mold?

 Her life was hard most of her years.

Yet she was good, kind, loving and generous, despite the fear.

Rest in peace mom. We still think of you and will always love you.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Baby Bird, Part 2

And so she is gone. Not the way I had hoped. There remains feathers, bones, blood, and the clean up crew that God designed for such things. Do I question God, asking "did you not her my prayer?". No.He had already told me before I even saw her what her fate was. But I do question myself. Should I have picked her up and saved her from the attach she received? What would I have done other than prolong her end. She was not overlooked by God. His ways are better than mine even when I don't understand them; even when I don't like them. Praise God for His perfect plan!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Baby Bird

On my walk around "Jericho" this morning, I was mute until I came upon a baby cardinal. She looked like she was not quite big enough to fly. Had she left the nest too soon? She was definitely not able to get off the ground by herself now. She blinked at me as I prayed over her. I knew that was all I could do. If I tried to touch her, she would die. Tomorrow I will go back, with my heart full of dread that she will still be there, yet hoping that somehow God will have mercy on her.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Loaf of Bread

It is such a small little thing. An ordinary food stuff. How is it possible that it has such an impact on my emotions. How many have I checked out in the last six months? Hundreds? Yet it never loses its power on me. It nearly always brings me to tears. True, it is not the bread itself. Only the memory of two faces as they bought one months ago. Oh how I love those faces. Oh how I miss those faces in my life. Oh how I wish it was different. But it's not, and it never will be, so I smile and say "Have a nice day", to the present face buying this loaf as I sob in my heart.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Right or Wrong

I'm not right and I'm not wrong.
Neither are you.
We each shuffle our thoughts through the lens of our own experience.
We base our opinions on where we've been, what we've seen,
and what has been said and done to us.
But understanding what is true is beyond our limited comprehension.
Understanding each other  is like looking though the other  persons glasses which makes things blurry and may give us headaches as we strain to see.
Only compassion, love, and fearlessness to share can lead to clarity.
Acknowledge each others perspective as just as valid as your own.
Trust, and ask the One who is the Truth for wisdom and understanding.
Then maybe we can learn from each other and grow to be much better than on our own.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Monday, May 21, 2012

Love Thy Neighbor

My sweet neighbor is hurting. She loves God and has given herself to be a light in a dark spot in order for others to find truth. So it is so very hard to understand why God is allowing all the hurt and hard circumstances in her life. A child that is running, literally, away from facing his problems, is at the forefront right now. Yet there is a string of pain behind her. I want to help, but have no clue how. Prayer almost seems a lame excuse for doing nothing. But I will pray and pray and pray.....and trust that He's got this and everything else in His control. All things work for the good of those that love Him.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

And God Smiled

Once, not too long ago, I posted this comment on Facebook:
"Everything I believed in is a bunch of trash."
That caused quit an uproar in a few people and probably cost me my job,
yet I have come to truly believe that it made God smile and angels dance with joy!
The keys to my freedom were about to be fit into the chains that kept me bound in Satan's twisted distortions of truth.
I have found the path that is oh, so narrow and traveled by so very few.
It is possible that I might have made it to heaven because of the childish profession I made in Jesus, however, it is more likely that I would have been one standing with jaw dropped shock as Jesus pronounced, "I never knew you."
When true humility becomes a part of your understanding of yourself and you see yourself as God see's you, nothing is ever the same. Nothing!
John 8:36

Thursday, April 19, 2012

A confession from "Thorny"

We are born into situations we never asked for. We grow up with people who are who they are for whatever reasons they experienced. We tend to internalize the temperaments of those we grow up with. Sometimes there are exceptions, but generally we become close to carbon copies.

In my childhood home, I cannot recall any real joy. The closest thing to it would be Christmas. (Might be a clue as to why the past few have been so very hard on me.) The negativity level was high. Frustration level even higher. Fun was practically non-existent.

So when I met a cute, fun loving guy, who's family always seemed to do fun things together (exact opposite of my own) I saw a whole different side of life. Oh how I wanted that to be how the home of my children would be. Happy, stay at home mom, with lots and lots of fun. Problem was, I just wasn't that person.  You can't be something without getting lessons on how to be different.

Here is my confession: I am sorry for being thorny. Sorry for the negativity I really was unaware of. Sorry doesn't change the pain or hurt, but understanding is a place to begin again.

For the Lonely

God can add family when you need them

Message by Beth Moore

Monday, April 16, 2012

Try Harder

There it is again. Almost jumping off the page in that unmistakable aqua ink from a fountain pen. Making one more lash at the fragile ego inside. Forever etching itself into the soul. Every report card from first grade to sixth always had it on the back. What does a grade school principal of the sixties know about A.D.D or Asperger's?
How can she know that she is mutilating a round peg by pounding it into a square hole?
Chiseling away what God put on the round peg and leaving gaps where the square would have fill in.

Fifty years later it is still there, always there: "Try harder, Ruth" V. Demand.

Sweet Vera Demand. Oh she cared for the students of her school so very dearly. If only she knew the hurt she caused. Half a century of "trying harder", always trying harder and never achieving. Never getting anything right. Nothing good enough no matter how hard I try to do it right. Relationships, jobs, personal dreams all bare the scars of those few words.

Years of trying harder has left me numb. Without strength. Almost without hope.

And yet....
My hope is in my Lord.