We are born into situations we never asked for. We grow up with people who are who they are for whatever reasons they experienced. We tend to internalize the temperaments of those we grow up with. Sometimes there are exceptions, but generally we become close to carbon copies.
In my childhood home, I cannot recall any real joy. The closest thing to it would be Christmas. (Might be a clue as to why the past few have been so very hard on me.) The negativity level was high. Frustration level even higher. Fun was practically non-existent.
So when I met a cute, fun loving guy, who's family always seemed to do fun things together (exact opposite of my own) I saw a whole different side of life. Oh how I wanted that to be how the home of my children would be. Happy, stay at home mom, with lots and lots of fun. Problem was, I just wasn't that person. You can't be something without getting lessons on how to be different.
Here is my confession: I am sorry for being thorny. Sorry for the negativity I really was unaware of. Sorry doesn't change the pain or hurt, but understanding is a place to begin again.