The Closet

Two little girls ran to the closet door. They slipped into it quietly. Ignoring the instructions not to hide from mommy and never  to play where she could not see them. Entering their own secret world. The closeness to each other in it made them feel safe. The world outside held scary things, scary people, hurts, rejections, and pain. Inside they shared each others secrets and dreams. They laughed, and played, and loved each other. Pretending nothing else existed but them.

Outside, mommy had realized that the girls were not where she had left them a moment ago. She had finally finished with all her boring adult chores that made her tired and drained, but she was ready for some fun with the girls. Oh how she had looked forward to this day! But where were they? Panic stared to form. What if's started to play in her mind. Her own past started to haunt her. Oh how she never wanted her girls to experience what she had. Protect them, at all costs. That had always been she goal. Little did she realize how badly that goal backfired. Always warily of danger made mommy never laugh. The girls saw her as angry and mean. Maybe she was, but at herself, rarely because of them.

Searching the house, she heard a faint noise. Stopping and listening, there was a muffled giggle coming from the bedroom. Entering the room, she heard the noise of shushing coming from the closet. How could this be! The girls knew that that was against the rules. Were they disobeying again?

Instantly mommy reacted!

Truly there was a choice to be made. Yesterday, it would have been to throw open the door and start barking about how hurt mommy was because the girls had disobeyed her. But today, well today was different.  Mommy turned around and went down to the kitchen. There she found the perfect things for a picnic. Special plates and china cups for tea. Things set apart for use only on special occasions for very special people.
Today, mommy was different. She now realized how the pressures of life and her own ghosts had blurred her vision of what and who were truly special.

She tiptoed to the closet door. She heard the girls chatting merrily. She smiled at their talk. Delighted in the delight they had for each other. Then she opened the door.

The girls froze. They had been caught. Terror crossed their faces. But then they looked at mommy, who hadn't said a word. She was smiling the biggest smile they had ever seen on her face. She looked so different! Almost beautiful. They squealed with delight as they realized that mommy had brought a snack for all of them. Then she entered the closet to play with them. The hugged mommy and she loved them back.

Today was different because mommy had learned to laugh.

alanis morissette everything subtitulada/español

Secrets

Secrets are poison to relationships.
Innocently started to keep from hurting someone's feelings,
they will have the same effect as gasoline vapors.
One little spark and everything blows up.

One secret.
Almost three decades of pain.
It stayed in the dark for almost five years.
When it came to light, it almost killed me and my unborn child.
But because of him, I held on. Made it "work".
But slipped into a fog. Pain numbing denile of emotions.
Self protection.
Keep it hidden.
No one else needs to know.
Protect the one you love from the shame.
So it became a different form of secret to keep.
Days, months, years, decades go by.
Buried deep.
Almost don't recognize it is even there.
Oh but it is.
Poisoning relationship.
Causing pain without explanation.
Innocent little ones hurt.
Twenty plus years go by.
Then the spark.
Mother/daughter struggle.
Quite normal under the best of curcumstances.
But under these conditions, the fire rages and nothing is left untouched.
Can beauty rise from this?

I hate secrets.
They ruin lives.
They kill love.
They make us hide.
They make us untrue to ourselves and the ones we love.

Eventually they are exposed.

A Good Choice -- Deniece Williams

As we look around, it is easy to find other parents 
who seem more skillful in their roles that we are.
Yet God, who see our lives from beginning to end, 
has chosen to unfold His love to our children uniquely through us. 
We bring all that we have to Jesus. 
He takes our offering and transforms it, 
like the bread and fish, 
into just what our little one needs. 
God hasn't overlooked a single thing in His plan for your child--especially you.

Ephesians 6:1-3

Homework assignment for the week.  Read Ephesians Chapter 5 & 6.

"Again?", I thought.  "Didn't we just finish painstakingly going through that whole book in services at Elmbrook?  Am I really going to get more out of it?"  Now, of course that is a pretty silly thought for anyone who believes that the Word of God is alive and He speaks to us though it. "okay, I'll read it again, but please let the Spirit guide me!"

Then I got to the verses that I titled this blog. Wham!  Now for as many years as I've been a parent, I took it from that view point.  This time, however, I went back and thought about my sweet mother.  Now every parent wants the best for their child.  She was no exception.  She taught me all the moral things, the etiquette rules, work ethics, and how to drive. (had to throw that last one in. You would have to have known her to really understand!) 

"so that it may be well with you".  Don't we all want our lives to go well?  Why is it  when we are young, that everything they are trying to do is for our good.  God's word is verifying it!  Yes, I am saying that there are many things she was teaching, but I wasn't listening to.  Parts of my life didn't "go well" and how I wish I could change them.  Instead  we learn from our stubbornness years later.  Then we try really hard to do what our parent tried to do......keep our children from making the same mistakes, so they won't suffer the pain we did.

I Stand at the Door

I stand at the door of your heart and knock.
ever so softly at first.
Just a slight tap, tap, tap.
You don't hear.
I try a little louder. Harder.
You still don't answer.
I need you to hear me, so I call out.
Still no answer.
I start pounding at the door.
Start yelling in hope you will hear.
Then the screams.
No response. You are in there. I see you.
Why won't you turn and look?
Why don't you hear me?
see my tears?
I'm am exhausted. No more strength for even the smallest tap.
Maybe you will hear the silence.

Choices

Choices made.

Choices that ended badly.
Choices that brightened your life.
Choices in fashion.
Choices of environment.
Choices for dinner.
Choices in music.
Choices in people to spend time with.
Little choices.
Big choices.
All have an impact.
On you.
On others.
Make them with wisdom.
Make them in love.