Totally higgledy-piggledy.

breach  (brch)

n.

1.

a. An opening, a tear, or a rupture.

b. A gap or rift, especially in or as if in a solid structure such as a dike or fortification.

2. A violation or infraction, as of a law, a legal obligation, or a promise.

3. A breaking up or disruption of friendly relations; an estrangement.

4. A leap of a whale from the water.

5. The breaking of waves or surf.

v. breached, breach·ing, breach·es

v.tr.

1. To make a hole or gap in; break through.

2. To break or violate (an agreement, for example).

Can't fix it.
Don't have the:
strength,
resources,
creativity,
know how.
  

Doing the right thing hasn't changed anything.

Totally higgledy-piggledy. 

Hopeless?

Probably......

Yet God can do anything. And He is in control.

The Necklace

I took it off today.
It was only off for a few hours one day in June, but other than that I've worn it at all times for almost two years. It is just a symbol. Of hope that things would change. Of love that HAS to still be alive. Worn close to my heart.

But I took it off.

Have I given up hope?
No.
Have I given up on love?
No.
Then why?
It doesn't matter anymore. Truly, it just doesn't matter.
My joy is somewhere much deeper then the happiness change could bring.
Life goes on, for whatever brief time is left, and looking backwards makes seeing what is in front of you impossible.

may the LORD do what is good in His sight

 One of the most convicting sermons I have ever heard. Had to share it with you.

Let Us Press on to Maturity

Broadway Plays, Symphony Performances and Rollerskating

Kind of reminds me of the song "One of these things just doesn't belong."

Oh, but my friends, they all belong. Or did once seemingly a  long, long time ago.
Each one belong to a part of the make up of who I am. What I adored. What thrilled my inner being.
It's been almost four decades that part of me has been nourished.  One trades off the pleasures they like for the pleasures of the persons they love. It would be a perfect world if those pleasures matched, but lo, in my world, not even close. Back then, I was under the premise that it would be a trade off. We do what you like, then we do what I like. Nope. For whatever reason, and there were more than one ( like 4 bundles of joy along with miscellaneous other life happenstance) time, money, energy, they just didn't happen.
Thought life would be different at this point stage of life. Maybe around the next corner.....

Losing Everthing

A friend of mine has in the last 48 hours sold just about everything she owned in order to make her rent payment.
Everything she worked so hard for, gone, just to pay a month's rent.
I know for a fact that she had not eaten much of anything for a week, but she was okay with that, it fit in with her goal of weight loss.
How can a hard working person, like herself be in such a place? She is not alone.
I gave her the true, but not very helpful line, "Everything is for a reason." It is so hard to see at the moment of it happening. I should have gone farther into the explanation, but work is not the place. Maybe she will read this.

What do we trust in? In stuff? In pay checks? In our own abilities? If we put stock in us, we will be very disappointed. We are human, we feel hurt, disappointment, frustration and it come out in bad timing and inappropriate places sometimes. Sometimes we just start swinging not caring were the blows land or who we hurt. Sometime, just an innocent remark ends up hurting when it wasn't meant to.
Oh to be perfect. Have everything go perfectly.
Someday, the other side of this life,it will be-we will be. That is where I put my trust.
In the One who is perfect and has promised that all who believe Him will find perfection of themselves through Him.
In the end, when all is said and done, peace and contentment are found in one place.
His name is Jesus.

I'll Be Around

        
The next right thing to do....

Wake up call

4:14 am

Yeap, I'm awake. Must have been the birds starting to sing the first notes of praise before sunrise. I never heard my husband leave for work, which was half hour before. Maybe subconsciously I did. Just enough to make that first chirp awaken me.

So what do you do at that hour of the morning, wide awake? Same as the birds. Start praising God for a wonderful nights sleep, and a promise of another day.

Then a couple of good sermons via the wonders of the Internet.
Right now the pastor of choice is John Piper.
The subject, Hebrews.
In true Piper style it has taken 14 weeks to get to Chapter 4 verse 1.
But his insight is so amazing!  I'd love to post each one of them here, but I know you won't bother to listen to them. However, if you are craving deep insights of an amazing book of scripture, www.desiringgod.org is the place to find it.

Then a few snatches of sleep.
This is always very dangerous. Satan hates it when I've spent that early morning time with my God, and so he sneaks in my dreams with weird thoughts. Then on to an onslaught  attach that reduced me to tears that would not end until I took time to go to the quiet place. Thank you Jesus that I didn't have to go to work today. Our time was sweet, and I am in a stable place once again, as only You can make me.

I Changed My Mind About Fear

I Changed My Mind About Fear

The Voice

I don't watch the television much. It became an addition once upon a time un my life, so I basically just stopped watching.

However, I got hooked a this season of The Voice.
Amazing talents!

I have a hard time each Monday, like most viewers, picking who not to vote for. They are all so good.

One of my favorites got sent home last night. I keep thinking it wasn't her voice that sent her home. In the beginning of the show, judges don't see the contestant. Blind rounds. If America only heard, and not seen Sarah, would she still be on? We are so caught up in dress size and "beauty" that our view is slanted by it? Unfortunately, it matters. It shouldn't, but it does.
Maybe it was just that she put too much emotion into her live performance that her true voice qualities were hidden.
Whatever the reason, I will miss her performances. Hopefully she will keep on trying and somewhere, sometime, we will see her on stage again.

I don't need you anymore

Watch "Sarah Simmons - Wanted You More - Studio Version - The Voice 2013" on YouTube

I Changed My Mind About Insecurity

I Changed My Mind About Insecurity | Gateway Church

I Changed My Mind About My Attitude

I changed My Mind About My Attitude  
| Gateway Church
 Learn it before you crash because crashing hurts and destroys things you can never  get back!

I Changed My Mind About Worry and Anxiety

I Changed My Mind About Worry and Anxiety | Gateway Church

Nothing Quiet as Comforting

A warm cozy fire with family sharing each others company. A comforting end of a stressful day.

Comfort Food or Craving?

Reaching for a bag of tortilla chips would always be my first choice when stressed. Followed by cheese (preferably pepper jack). But is it comfort or just a salt addiction? I'm thinkin probably the latter.

The Supremacy of Christ- Symphonic Sermon Jam Video

Childhood Comfort Food

I see myself, in a tiny little kitchen, anxiously awaiting the big bowl of tomato soup with a grilled cheese sandwich next to it. Oh how that made the day so much better! Little swirl of milk right in the center, and nothing could make me happier.

Because You Cared

It's a revelation that I have been seeking for two long years.
There was a power that held me so tightly that I couldn't breath right.
A power so forceful that it changed my whole world.
But I could not figure out just what it was.

I knew who it was, but why, just escaped me.

Tears.
Angry words.
Hysterical laughter.
Sleepless nights.
Hopelessness.
What kind of spell was cast over me?

Love has a power of no other thing on earth.
When it is given it makes everything so right.
When it is yanked away, nothing is right.

I know the power is, was, and always will be.

I'm grateful for the brief moments we shared. I accept that they never will be again.
I will always love you.

Blessed Sleep

Blog prompt: Which would you rather have: a super-soft pillow or a warm, fuzzy blanket?

Tough question!

I just consider myself blessed if I have any kind of pillow and
something to throw over me to sleep.

All three are gifts from a Father who cares.

Replaced

Blogger Prompt: Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?

Previously I wrote about the childhood collection of animals on my bed. As a child, we never had a dog. One rather unfriendly cat who hated me, so there was never anything but the plush little animals on my bed.

As soon as I was out of my parents house, I got animals. Two cats, as that is what the land lord would allow. But when we bought our first house, along came my first dog. 

Now I am an animal lover, no doubt about that. So, to answer the question of the prompt: no, I don't sleep with a stuffed animal, unless you count the over fed pug at my feet and the big fluffy kitty at my head, as "stuffed".

Rags and Tags

Typical of most little girls, I collected numerous stuffed animals as a little girl.
My bed was full of all sorts of creatures.
From the good old teddy bear to an amazingly large purple pig.
Was there a favorite among them all? That is a hard question to answer.
As I think back on that time, decades ago, one vivid memory comes through.

It was Christmas.
I'm pretty sure that there had been one of many repeated requests for a puppy.
My parents just weren't the dog owner type.
So as much as they loved to please their little girls,
a dog was not going to be under the glittering lights of the tree.
Santa just didn't have the power. Or did he?
Well it wasn't exactly the wiggly, cute, soft, little creature we wanted, but....
not one but two black and white stuffed doggies.
They were quite life like in their appearance.

Years later, when as an adult, I had the fortune of getting a real dog,
God brought the real live thing into my home. A Springer spaniel named Brittney.
She looked just like those twin stuffed doggies that Santa placed in the arms of my big sister and me.
They were as close to a favorite as I can remember.

So Much to Say

Oh how I long to find the right words.
Why, oh WHY, do they escape me?
The depth of my being cries in pain for lack of a way to express itself.
I read other peoples words and think, "Yes, that's what I feel." That's
what I would have said, if only I was gifted with words.
So much to say to so many people.
But when I get the courage to speak, it comes out wrong.
It has no command, so it is ignored.
So I just stay quiet.
But that doesn't change my passion, my love, my caring.
Please try to understand me. There is so much more than what you see.

Definition of Me

Ten Deadly Sins

Ten Deadly Sins | Gateway Church

Attitudes

Faces

There are faces that I see and they make me smile.

And there are some that make me cry.
Those tend to be the ones that are only in my memory or in a photo.
 Or possibly the ones I know are in pain.

There are some I dream about, think about, and wish for.

Acquaintances, friends, family, special ones.

Each unique.
Each beautiful.
Each treasured.

Having Healthy Relationships

When your love for one is true, even when they reject you, love is still there.