Totally higgledy-piggledy.

breach  (brch)

n.

1.

a. An opening, a tear, or a rupture.

b. A gap or rift, especially in or as if in a solid structure such as a dike or fortification.

2. A violation or infraction, as of a law, a legal obligation, or a promise.

3. A breaking up or disruption of friendly relations; an estrangement.

4. A leap of a whale from the water.

5. The breaking of waves or surf.

v. breached, breach·ing, breach·es

v.tr.

1. To make a hole or gap in; break through.

2. To break or violate (an agreement, for example).

Can't fix it.
Don't have the:
strength,
resources,
creativity,
know how.
  

Doing the right thing hasn't changed anything.

Totally higgledy-piggledy. 

Hopeless?

Probably......

Yet God can do anything. And He is in control.

The Necklace

I took it off today.
It was only off for a few hours one day in June, but other than that I've worn it at all times for almost two years. It is just a symbol. Of hope that things would change. Of love that HAS to still be alive. Worn close to my heart.

But I took it off.

Have I given up hope?
No.
Have I given up on love?
No.
Then why?
It doesn't matter anymore. Truly, it just doesn't matter.
My joy is somewhere much deeper then the happiness change could bring.
Life goes on, for whatever brief time is left, and looking backwards makes seeing what is in front of you impossible.

may the LORD do what is good in His sight

 One of the most convicting sermons I have ever heard. Had to share it with you.

Let Us Press on to Maturity

Broadway Plays, Symphony Performances and Rollerskating

Kind of reminds me of the song "One of these things just doesn't belong."

Oh, but my friends, they all belong. Or did once seemingly a  long, long time ago.
Each one belong to a part of the make up of who I am. What I adored. What thrilled my inner being.
It's been almost four decades that part of me has been nourished.  One trades off the pleasures they like for the pleasures of the persons they love. It would be a perfect world if those pleasures matched, but lo, in my world, not even close. Back then, I was under the premise that it would be a trade off. We do what you like, then we do what I like. Nope. For whatever reason, and there were more than one ( like 4 bundles of joy along with miscellaneous other life happenstance) time, money, energy, they just didn't happen.
Thought life would be different at this point stage of life. Maybe around the next corner.....

Losing Everthing

A friend of mine has in the last 48 hours sold just about everything she owned in order to make her rent payment.
Everything she worked so hard for, gone, just to pay a month's rent.
I know for a fact that she had not eaten much of anything for a week, but she was okay with that, it fit in with her goal of weight loss.
How can a hard working person, like herself be in such a place? She is not alone.
I gave her the true, but not very helpful line, "Everything is for a reason." It is so hard to see at the moment of it happening. I should have gone farther into the explanation, but work is not the place. Maybe she will read this.

What do we trust in? In stuff? In pay checks? In our own abilities? If we put stock in us, we will be very disappointed. We are human, we feel hurt, disappointment, frustration and it come out in bad timing and inappropriate places sometimes. Sometimes we just start swinging not caring were the blows land or who we hurt. Sometime, just an innocent remark ends up hurting when it wasn't meant to.
Oh to be perfect. Have everything go perfectly.
Someday, the other side of this life,it will be-we will be. That is where I put my trust.
In the One who is perfect and has promised that all who believe Him will find perfection of themselves through Him.
In the end, when all is said and done, peace and contentment are found in one place.
His name is Jesus.

I'll Be Around

        
The next right thing to do....

Wake up call

4:14 am

Yeap, I'm awake. Must have been the birds starting to sing the first notes of praise before sunrise. I never heard my husband leave for work, which was half hour before. Maybe subconsciously I did. Just enough to make that first chirp awaken me.

So what do you do at that hour of the morning, wide awake? Same as the birds. Start praising God for a wonderful nights sleep, and a promise of another day.

Then a couple of good sermons via the wonders of the Internet.
Right now the pastor of choice is John Piper.
The subject, Hebrews.
In true Piper style it has taken 14 weeks to get to Chapter 4 verse 1.
But his insight is so amazing!  I'd love to post each one of them here, but I know you won't bother to listen to them. However, if you are craving deep insights of an amazing book of scripture, www.desiringgod.org is the place to find it.

Then a few snatches of sleep.
This is always very dangerous. Satan hates it when I've spent that early morning time with my God, and so he sneaks in my dreams with weird thoughts. Then on to an onslaught  attach that reduced me to tears that would not end until I took time to go to the quiet place. Thank you Jesus that I didn't have to go to work today. Our time was sweet, and I am in a stable place once again, as only You can make me.